tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post4652002723393827624..comments2024-03-25T11:49:21.281-07:00Comments on The Splintered Mind: Thoughts on Conjugal LoveEric Schwitzgebelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11541402189204286449noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post-77730674380936037322009-11-21T11:10:56.023-08:002009-11-21T11:10:56.023-08:00Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium? ...Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium? <br />Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post-20340879788052438242008-09-04T14:14:00.000-07:002008-09-04T14:14:00.000-07:00Thanks for the kind comments, folks!Sean and Marka...Thanks for the kind comments, folks!<BR/><BR/>Sean and Markate: I see now that my treatment of parental love was too brief to be clear, and maybe problematic besides. I do agree that parents expect things from their children, but I think parental love, qua parental love, is not conditional upon the child's meeting such expectations. Of course, real parents don't always experience parental love just as real spouses don't always experience conjugal love. The remarks in this essay are meant more normatively or conceptually than descriptively.<BR/><BR/>Markate: Your comments about feelings depending on blocked responses are very interesting! It does seem to me that often feelings are amplified at least (and maybe outright created) when the target response is frustrated. I'm not so sure this works as well for joy and surprise, though.<BR/><BR/>The idea of a "bouquet of loves" is an appealing one, too.<BR/><BR/>On the erotic element of marriage: I think this is an often psychologically necessary means to and a side benefit of conjugal love, but I do not think it should be put at the core. Couples can have deep conjugal love without much or even any erotic contact -- for example if distance limits erotic interaction or if age takes some of the impetus from it.<BR/><BR/>One further issue I've been thinking about since posting this is whether conjugal love in my sense is possible if one's spouse is in a permanent coma (with or without higher-level brain damage) or in a case of severe Alzheimer's disease. If the kind of love in such cases is worth calling "conjugal" love, then that stands in tension with some of what I say (though perhaps it can be reconciled by seeing the lives as a whole as intertwined, reaching back into the past). Another possibility is that the love in such cases is transformed into something still beautiful but different from ordinary conjugal love.Eric Schwitzgebelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11541402189204286449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post-21283480695673791492008-09-04T13:54:00.000-07:002008-09-04T13:54:00.000-07:00rSince this is a draft in search of comments, I'd ...rSince this is a draft in search of comments, I'd like to weigh in, even though I know nothing about this topic.<BR/><BR/>You first consider whether love is a feeling and therefore passively experienced. I think you need to say more about this. I view feelings as the emotional response when the appropriate action is blocked. For example, when in a dangerous situation, I immediately take evasive action until the danger is past. I will not feel fear until I stop moving. Teenagers feel passionate love because their desires are thwarted. Women have always used "denial of access" to boost their suitor's feelings of love. If this view is correct, passionate love could be so great as to outpace any possible means of expression and so leave a residue of loving feelings, a view expressed in some love poems. Conjugal love could then be accompanied by feelings of love. <BR/><BR/>Those feelings of love might be of many different sorts also. Do they all have to be erotic? Could conjugal love be a bouquet of loves, some of which are essential to an ideal pair bond, but the particular mix would be like a two person personality?<BR/><BR/>I like the paragraphs where you describe married life as a co-authored work. This is an ethical description of conjugal love and appeals to my more serious nature. The opposite view is an aesthetic interpretation. I would like to see this other aspect developed also, so that the heavy hand of obligation and duty doesn't suffocated the beauty of the ethical approach. <BR/><BR/>I recommend just deleting the paragraph on love of a child unless you develop it more fully. Motherly love comes is degrees, varies from child to child, is intensely rewarding in itself, and is often conditional as the child grows older and possibly develops different ideals. <BR/><BR/>The "purity" of parental love depends on a biological imperative. I think that the purity of love in a pair bond depends in a similar way on the biology of sex. Your post is a purely ethical description of marriage, but in the interests of realism I would like to see some acknowledgement that this love is a sexual bond.<BR/><BR/>Trust is a great anchor for your treatment of conjugal love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post-88174462723431092932008-09-04T05:45:00.000-07:002008-09-04T05:45:00.000-07:00I came across your blog a few days ago and I like ...I came across your blog a few days ago and I like it a lot. Brilliant work you do.ryan-1https://www.blogger.com/profile/15079244516104174447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post-82998605790994316802008-09-03T15:18:00.000-07:002008-09-03T15:18:00.000-07:00This is an excellent post, and an insightful (and,...This is an excellent post, and an insightful (and, as "lit" suggests, beautiful) view. I've always liked the view of love as, in a sense, crafting a joint practical identity with someone - taking their ends as one's own. <BR/><BR/>My only question/concern is related to this passage: "The love one feels for a young child may in some ways be purer and more unconditional than conjugal love. One expects nothing back from a young child. One needn’t share ideals to enjoy parental love."<BR/><BR/>To be sure, there is more one-way dependency in parental love. But, I'm not sure that we don't expect things from children in return for our love - we set rules, expectations, teach them ideals, hope they care for us in our old age, etc. After all, parental love doesn't end at graduation. In a sense, we expect our children to "make us proud" when they go out into the world, and to "honor" us when they live in our house (think of the biblical command). <BR/><BR/>All relationships require give-and-take, a dialogue between experiences and views. There are many parent-child relationships that become those of "equal close friends" as the children get older (consider older teens/adults who become emotional support for their parents), and many conjugal relationships that may evolve some form of one-sided dependence for periods of time (e.g. one person loses a job and needs support). While the "range" of parent-child relations is more one-sided than conjugal relations, there is still a great deal of contextual variation in each.<BR/><BR/>Summary of concerns:<BR/>(a) Difference in expectations vs. unconditionality - the former seems more accurate<BR/>(b)Room for contextual variation in relationships?Seanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14138412772066111224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26951738.post-56896403040232715232008-09-03T14:09:00.000-07:002008-09-03T14:09:00.000-07:00that was beautiful and, as always, well put. i rea...that was beautiful and, as always, well put. i really enjoy reading your blog and very rarely am i not fascinated by the subjects you discuss.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com