Tuesday, April 02, 2013

The Splintered Mind Liability Release

Notice: By reading The Splintered Mind you agree to release, indemnify and hold forever harmless, the Splintered Mind, its owners, agents, officers, affiliates, volunteers, participants, employees, nominees, heirs, referees, commenters, commentators, publishers, guests, and all the great and minor and intermediate figures of the history of philosophy and psychology and in contemporary philosophy and psychology that might or might not be mentioned directly or indirectly herein (hereinafter "SM"), on behalf of yourself, your spouse, children, heirs, representatives, assigns, agents, estate, publishers, co-authors, academic or personal associates, and governmental and corporate and group-mind bodies, spirits, or other metaphysical vehicles over which you might or might not have full or partial control, from all responsibilities, liability, actions, demands, claims, losses, or costs of any sort whatsoever arising in any manner whatsoever from your use, non-use, or accidental or intentional discovery of this site, its archives, its links, the material in its links and to which it has failed to link and any behavior whatsoever on or off the internet, connected or unconnected with this site or the material within or not within, whether due to oversight, neglect, abuse, well-intentioned ineptitude, deliberate criminal malevolence aforethought, or arising from any cause or coincidence or lack of coincidence whatsoever. Should SM incur any legal costs directly or indirectly related to your action or lack of action, you agree to pay all such legal costs on behalf of SM plus an inconvenience fee of $1000 per hour (CPI adjusted to 2013 dollars) and free massages, even in the metaphysically impossible event that SM is found civilly or criminally responsible.

You hereby also further agree that reading The Splintered Mind is a risky activity that might result in false beliefs, dangerous lemmas, despair, loss of religion, adoption of a false religion, injury, death, insanity, in-between attitudes, ill-advised pragmatism, philosophical error, the sudden kindling of prurient desires, bizarre and uncontrollable thoughts, hatred of small cuddly kittens, up to and including condemnation to eternal torment; and that there are further risks, some known but intentionally held secret from you and some neither specified nor known. By reading this far (but even before reading this far), you have waived all of your rights in every jurisdiction, not only in the actual world but also in all possible and impossible worlds, whether distant, proximate, or entirely absurd, to any sort of action whatsoever and leave it entirely to the discretion of SM to treat you in any way they deem fit or unfit, without necessity of justification or defense.

If any portion of this contract is found void or unenforceable, the remaining portions shall remain in full force and effect.

This contract shall be binding upon all persons, non-human animals, aliens, group minds, and other entities and processes that have any casual contact or quantum-mechanical entanglement with SM, forward, backward, or sideways in time, mediated or unmediated, of any form whatsoever, whether they read this statement or not.

(Inspired by SkyZone and Hangar 18.)


Burythe Nuts said...

Sign me right up!
Funny post.

Crown City said...

You may need a liability waiver to read the liability waiver :-)

Callan S. said...

Nuh uh.

Yep, it's really that easy.

Which is why we need wigs and dresses and varnished wooden forts and really rather expensive people, to plaster over how easy it is.

David Bowyer said...

This liability release made my day. I even forgot what I'm supposed to do now. This is what Splintered Mind can do to you...forget things. :P